Breaking News

+TiPS ::: Jefferson Bethke – How Do You Know Someone Is "The One"

This, indeed, is a big one. It is one of life's greatest puzzles and yes, it will still be for those who don't find this post and read...Hey, its a lucky day for you because today, you will come into knowledge that will help you fix this piece to life's puzzle.

Its a spoken piece from  our brother, Jefferson Bethke, and it is quite an eye opening revelation. Do go through the post and drop your comments after reading it. Enjoy....

How Do You Know Someone Is "The One"
By Jefferson Bethke

When I put out the tweet and the Facebook status that asked few guys some questions,  this question is one of the biggest ones I got..."How do you know someone is The One?". In other words, how do I know I’m in God’s will by picking a certain partner. Now, I really want to answer that one, because I also struggle with that one for years. I would sit down and then I would read the Bible and I would open and try to find exact passages to fit exact decisions in life.

And to be honest, it kind of left me depressed, because I can never find an exact answer. I would treat the scriptures almost like they were a fortune cookie and like a roadmap to life looking for this one thing that tells me about my life. But my view has totally changed on what the scriptures are, because I realized they are not just little cookie-cutter answers for me and my life, they’re actually a grand narrative huge story about one man Jesus, and how He redeems humanity, and how He redeems people who trust in Him.

And so when I started seeing that differently, it started to change my view. And so, the way I’d answer that question is, how do you know someone is The One? Now, this might depress someone and this, you know, might make some of you lose the Disney type fairy tale dream, but I don’t think there is such thing. I think you watch too much Disney and read too much Nicholas Sparks, if you think there is The One.

Now, why do I say that? First,  its just logical, if there is The One, then if a guy 3,000 years ago married the wrong person who wasn’t The One, that means he must have tore down the lineage all the way down into history, because he married someone else’s one and that person had to marry someone else’s one. And so it just doesn’t logically work, because if there is one and if one person messes it up, then it doesn’t work anymore.

And secondly, I’ve realized that, it puts way too much pressure on the other person. Usually the girls are the ones that kind of have that idea of looking for The One and looking for that perfect person. What happens is that you uphold this ideal that only Jesus and God can satisfy and then you put a burden on that guy that he cannot bear and it crushes him, no matter how good he is to you, no matter how much he serves you. You want him to be even a little bit more, just a little bit more, do a little bit better.

And so the truth is, for guys and girls out there, it’s not about finding The One, it’s about preparing yourself to be The One, because a lot of times if we can be honest, we’re just lazy. We want to find The One, because they make our life easy. They have all the attributes that fit perfectly with our lives, so that we don’t have to change, we don’t have to maneuver or restructure our life.

But God actually says, marriage, which you know, the preempt of that is dating – is to make us holy more than to make us happy. It’s about making us look like Him. And so I would say, there is no such thing as The One. You don’t have to struggle with the pressure of trying to think there is The One and that God is going to get mad at you if you pick the wrong one. You have to concentrate on yourself, put yourself in church community, surround yourself with awesome people who help you grow and help you learn. Instead of asking for The One, ask this rather;  how can I become a person that will better serve that spouse?

Because what happens is, if you believe in that one, then when they mess up or when they do something that makes you mad, you kind of react irrationally. It seem like you were a slave to them.

So if you believe in that kind of ideal of a person, of a guy or a girl, when they mess up, or when you get in an argument, you get depressed or you struggle or get sad. But if you’re resting and putting your identity in who God is, and how He aligns you up to be with Him, then when that person does mess up or does fail you, because your identity is not in that person, but in God, you can give them grace, you can give them forgiveness, and you can give them love. But if you are attached to them as your identity, you can never do that. You always react based upon what they do.

Now, if you are in unrepentant sin or you are not in church community, then yeah, you might pick the wrong person. But I totally believe if you’re in church community, if you have a good group of godly mentors, people above you, and if you’re not in any unrepentant sin, no secret sin, and you’re just being transparent and walking with Jesus and studying the Bible and praying, it’s kind of scandalous to say, but pick whoever you want. Yes, if you are living right in God, you can pick whoever you want. I mean does it bother anyone that in Acts Chapter 1, the apostles actually drew straws to see who will become the next apostle? They trusted God so much, because they were in intimacy with Him, in relationship with Him....

And so I would say, if you are in all those things and you just walk in the journey with Jesus, pick whoever you want. You don’t have to have that pressure, because the truth is, it’s not about finding The One, it’s just about treating that person with love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy, and you can do that with anyone. You can do that with this person, this person, or that person, and it makes sense because  it takes all this pressure off and all this burden off, the relationship.

And the last thing I’ll say on this topic is, one of the worst parts about having The One or upholding the standard that no one can meet, that absolutely no one can meet, because none of us are perfect except Jesus..The worst part about upholding that standard is that you miss good, godly people all around you. You miss’re walking by your future spouse every single day, because your standard is so high, you’ll never actually find that person.

And so when you understand that God gives you freedom to choose when you’re living in community, you’re living in intimacy with Him, then what happens is, you start to notice people in your life who might make a good partner to be on mission with you to do what God has called you to do.

1 comment:

  1. I took time to read through this article sincerely its a good effort but I like to respond from this; "pick whoever you want. You don’t have to have that pressure, because the truth is, it’s not about finding The One, it’s just about treating that person with love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy, and you can do that with anyone. You can do that with this person, this person, or that person, and it makes sense because  it takes all this pressure off and all this burden off, the relationship."
    *SMH* I totally disagree with this concept with from the line above.
    My Reasons: granted we must treat our partners with grace, forgiveness, love etc. But you don't go picking anyone just because you ve access to grace, love and forgiveness. There is need for COMPATIBILITY and this goes beyond our faith, religion etc. I agree that you can't fix your choice mode for a life partner based on "The One" but hey, choices matter a lot in choosing a life partner let's not be religious here, granted we have the Holy Spirit, our ever present friend, helper and more but God is not going to play your roles or take up your responsiblities and that's why He gave us the privilege of CHOICE. Pls its not in a good place to ask people to marry blindly and I dare say this is the reason why there re so many divorce among Christians today, pastor too and this has also encouraged sexual imorality amongst us. By all means discourage the idea of "THE ONE" but compatibility and Choices should never be compromised.
    Vivien Ngozika